She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
