I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
