I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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