she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
