Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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