He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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