If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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