Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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