He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
