wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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