Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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