OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
