I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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