i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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