Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
