I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
