Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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