Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
