is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
