im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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