there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
