What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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