we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Congratulations! We have a period
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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