that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
