Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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