I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
