How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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