Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
