My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
