Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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