you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
