I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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