We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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