if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
