I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
