i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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