Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
