Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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