when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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