if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
