I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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