Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
