accomplished twins. life is a go
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
