Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
