Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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