Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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