No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
