you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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