how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
