I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
