apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
