What a fucking waste of an outfit
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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