I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
