I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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