That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
