Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
