im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
