So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
