thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were destined to go to rehab together
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
