dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
