You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Randomize
