foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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