Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize