That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
