How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
