I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
