I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
