I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
where are my eyebrows?
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